In 2020, they were matched by Welkom in Utrecht: Janneke’s Dutch family and Regat’s Eritrean family. Both women have a partner and two children. Now, five years later, they look back on the time they spent together. In Regat’s cosy flat in Overvecht, they talk about the match, their experiences and the special bond that developed between the families. ‘We managed to get out of our bubbles.’

Regat says she found it very difficult the first time in the Netherlands. She was here alone with her children at the time. ‘I had few contacts. I never went outside and the children had no friends either. I had no contact with Dutch people at all.’ She did want that and therefore signed up for Welkom in Utrecht’s buddy family project.

For Janneke’s family, the motivation to join came from the desire to step out of their own bubble. ‘Chris and I couldn’t put words to it very well, to what we wanted, but we wanted to meet people whose lives are different from ours and give that to our two children. When we came across this project with buddy families, we thought: ‘This is it.’

After separate introductory meetings, the two families were paired up. It was a successful match and a close bond between the families has developed over the years. Still, it was quite difficult at first. Janneke: ‘We didn’t know anything about each other yet and were all very shy.’ There was also a language barrier, as Regat did not yet speak Dutch very well. In the beginning, the families met frequently for this very reason, so that things started to feel more familiar between them. This way, they also quickly learned to understand each other better. Regat: ‘You get a kind of common language.’

These days, the families meet on average once every three weeks. ‘We also always invite each other to each other’s birthday parties. Our children have become friends, so they often play together too.’ Sometimes Chris swims with all the children and there was a period when Janneke picked up Regat’s children from school every Wednesday because she had to work and had no childcare.

When Regat’s husband joined his family and they moved to another neighbourhood, Janneke and Chris helped with the move and with odd jobs. Moreover, they went on holidays together. Once to Zeeland and once to the Veluwe. They played many games there, partied and hiked. They also sometimes go together to activities offered through Welkom in Utrecht. The other day, for instance, they went to a dance performance together.

The intense bond that has developed between Janneke and Regat over four years is a surprise to both. Janneke says she never expected it like this. ‘We had taken into account that there would be no match. Chris and I were also worried that we would become caregivers. We like to help but we wanted an equal relationship.’

And there is. Over the years, they have meant a lot to each other. Regat has learned a lot about the Netherlands and learned the Dutch language better. Janneke has given her self-confidence by doing things together with the children. ‘At first I found everything exciting. Janneke brought me out. I begrudge everyone to have a Janneke.’

Conversely, Regat has helped Janneke’s family look at the world in a different way, broadening their horizons. They have great conversations, about motherhood, about what Regat has been through. Janneke has learnt some words of Tigrinya, loves Eritrean food. She is impressed by Regat’s strength, by how she had the courage to flee on her own with two children. ‘But it goes much deeper,’ she says. ‘It is hard to explain. We have different cultural backgrounds but are essentially the same. We are just two mothers who want the best for our children.’

They found what Janneke and her husband were looking for: ‘We managed to get out of our bubble. We have since met other people through Regat’s family who are also very nice. We merged our bubbles a bit.’ And yes, sometimes it can still be awkward, when communication goes awry for a while. But that doesn’t matter. ‘This feels like a mega-success story, we’ve really become friends.’